10. A SEAT AT THE TABLE
It’s really important to have a desk-thumping PC backbencher who will support every government proposal without question and heap derision on all opposition proposals –- no matter how sensible they may be.

9. HEALTH CARE
Clearly, Ralph has a secret plan to fix health care and may even share it with us after he has secured a new mandate. Smart of him to attend an oil convention rather than waste his time with a bunch of First Ministers who might steal some of his great ideas.

8. EDUCATION
The PCs really saved taxpayers a bundle by refusing to fund the arbitration report they had so cleverly ordered to settle teacher’s contracts. To top it off, it was school boards who had to fire 400 teachers to pay for the arbitration award. Smart thinking, eh?

7. ELECTRICAL DEREGULATION
Choice is so much better than that old fashioned regulated system. Now we can pay separately for transmission charges, delivery charges, service charges, billing charges and administration charges, along with RRO Shortfall charges, Deferral Riders and all that neat stuff. Instead of providing a modest return to just one company, we can ensure untold wealth for a whole bunch of companies.

6. INFRASTRUCTURE
Wouldn’t it be great to have that oilsands railway from Nisku to Fort McMurray? Of course, we can’t expect the impoverished oil industry to pay for all of it. Wouldn’t $300 million in ‘seed money’ be a much better use of taxpayer dollars than fixing roads and sidewalks or frittering it away on education, health care, homelessness or AISH grants.

5. BSE AND OTHER DISASTERS
Unlike the Feds who can be quite mean to our US cousins, Alberta’s PCs can be counted on to bail out those Yankee meat packers.

4. FISCAL RESPONSIBILITY
Under PC guidance, Alberta has achieved the status of being Canada’s only debt-free province – Just like it was before the PCs came to power. Some carpers say the PCs have only eliminated the debt that they, themselves, created. None-the-less, it is no mean feat considering the millions squandered on unsuccessful attempts to revive dying enterprises and the billions spent trying to make electrical deregulation work.

3. MORE PRIVATIZATION
Not just liquor stores, utilities and health care; think of the possibilities. If they privatize fire departments, we could all have choice and decide which fire company we wanted to deal with. If we had a fire we would just call that company and hear this recorded message: ”For fire emergency, please press 1. Thank you, please hold, your fire is very important to us.”

2. SMALLER GOVERNMENT
If we had nothing but PC MLAs, think of the savings. No more time wasted on question period, week-long legislative sessions, no more embarrassing scandals from opposition muck raking.

1. OPEN & HONEST GOVERNMENT
Open to any proposal that will benefit big business. Honest about wanting to change health care in ways that might be viewed as “un-Canadian” and might “violate the interpretation of the Canada Health Act.”

Kinda makes ya proud to be an Albertan, eh?

Submitted by Noel Somerville